‘I don’t know if I will ever fully recover from my addiction’

NOTE: Some names have been changed in order to protect the identities of those involved in this story.

Sara James doesn't look like a drug addict and, if you didn't know her well, you wouldn't have a clue that she is still struggling with the addiction that nearly took her life five years ago.

At 30 years old, Sara is everything the stereotypical drug addict is not - vivacious, beautiful, well-spoken, and very successful. She is a freelance journalist and photographer and lives on her own in a lovely two-bedroom apartment in the heart of downtown Ottawa.

Sara was raised in Rockland and said her mother and father "are two of the most loving, supportive, amazing people you'll ever meet." She says she never lacked anything growing up and was afforded every opportunity.

"On the outside, I appear like a pretty normal young woman, working and living the life I always wanted to live," Sara says. "But deep inside, I carry around this dark secret. It's a secret not many people know about, it's not something I am comfortable sharing with a lot of people. It's a secret that makes who I am today seem like a total impossibility."

The secret Sara guards so closely is that, only five years ago, she was stuck inside a vicious cycle of addiction that nearly claimed her life.

Sara is a recovering OxyContin addict. Also known as Oxy, OC and hillbilly heroin on the street, OxyContin is a time-released pain medication developed in 1995 for people needing around-the-clock pain relief.

OxyContin contains oxycodone, which is an opioid drug, similar to morphine, codeine, heroin and methadone.

The drug is spreading like wildfire across Canada and the United States and, in some cases, is quickly turning users into addicts. Locally, the OxyContin and Other Prescription Opioids Task Force was formed after the Cornwall Police Service indicated the drug was becoming a "major problem" on local streets.

Police noted there have been nine OxyContin-related deaths in the area in the past year.

The aim of the task force is to reduce the abuse of OxyContin and prescription opioids in Cornwall, Akwesasne and the United Counties of Stormont, Dundas, Glengarry and Prescott-Russell.

Sara became exposed to the drug in 2005 after an ATV accident resulted in a back injury that left her with chronic back pain.

"I was always a really active person," she recalls. "In high school I played all kinds of sports and was always involved in something. When I hurt my back, I didn't know what to do. I could barely move and I was in severe pain all the time. I was frustrated and became depressed."

This was until her doctor prescribed OxyContin. Once she started taking the drug, Sara says her pain went away.

"I was euphoric," she says. "My pain went away and I felt normal again. Problem was, I wasn't normal, I was under the influence of a pretty powerful drug. It didn't take long before I started to enjoy the high I got off the pills."

Sara says she began experimenting with doses, not to control her pain, but to increase her high. She made frequent trips to her doctor to get more pills and not once did he ever ask any questions about why she was going through her prescriptions so quickly.

"I can honestly say that every time I went in to get more, I was sure my doctor would start asking questions or deny me," she remarks. "All he did was ask me how they were working for the pain. I said they were working great and left with a new prescription every single time. At the time, I thought it was great, even though I knew it was wrong."

Soon, Sara's body was craving the drug and she would feel sick if she didn't take it regularly. No longer overly concerned with her back pain, Sara began crushing the pills and snorting them to get an "instant high."

"I was having trouble sleeping, I would vomit and get really shaky and twitchy," she states. "I was having wicked mood swings and becoming really agitated. I thought I was fine as long as I kept taking the Oxy. It numbed everything, even my emotions. I was like a shell, but I thought I was doing pretty good because the high felt so good."

Sara's mother, Hannah, and her father, James, noticed a severe change in their once bubbly, happy daughter.

"We started to argue and fight a lot," Hannah says. "She would just become irate, for no apparent reason. She would scream, yell and throw things. She had never been like that, not ever; never had any problems with drugs or alcohol or anything. She was always such a good kid. OxyContin just took over her life."

Sara said getting high and making sure she had access to OxyContin became her number one priority. People would try to contact her with writing and photography jobs, but she wouldn't respond. Friends and family would call to find out if she was okay, but she wouldn't answer the phone.

When Sara learned her long-time family physician was leaving his practice, she says she panicked.

"I freaked out," she remembers. "I didn't know what I was going to do. Where was I going to get my Oxy from? That was my one and only concern. It consumed me."

That's when she met some "people" who would teach her the fine art of forging prescriptions.

"It was so easy," Sara says. "I was really nervous the first time I used a fake prescription, but it worked. It worked every time. I couldn't believe it. If anyone was suspicious, no one ever said a word to me."

Sara spent five years in what she calls an "OxyContin fueled nightmare," constantly worried about running out of pills, constantly being paranoid that her luck using fake prescriptions would run out. It didn't.

Everything came to a head on the night of November 12, 2009. Feeling jittery, paranoid, depressed, sick, and isolated, Sara decided to crush and snort more Oxy than usual to "stop feeling the pain and loneliness that was pretty much consuming me at this point."

She overdosed.

"A friend came by and found me passed out on the floor," she states. "I wasn't breathing, my lips were blue, my pulse was really faint. He called 911 and I was taken to hospital. I don't remember much about that. What I do remember is I scared myself enough to admit I had a major problem and I decided to get help."

Sara said making the decision to get help was the "hardest decision I've ever made in my life" and said the withdrawal symptoms almost killed her.

"I honestly thought I was going to die," she says. "My whole body ached. Every single muscle pounded with pain. I was sick to my stomach, I had cramps and diarrhea. I don't think I slept for about 10 days. If I could imagine what hell would be like, it would be what I went through to try and kick my Oxy habit."

Recovery hasn't been easy for Sara, though she has been "clean and sober" for about seven months now. She says the temptation to use again is always there, buried somewhere deep inside of her.

"It's a temptation I have to work very hard at to suppress," she admits. "It's always in the back of my mind, even though I know I don't want to go back to that place. Problem is, the pull of the drug and the way it makes you feel is so strong, that even if you don't want to go back down that road, it's really tough to stay on track."

Sara said she is thankful that her family and friends stood by her during her addiction and recovery and says she doesn't know what she would do without them.

"I am a perfect example of the fact that Oxy doesn't discriminate," she comments. "I grew up in the suburbs in a nice house with a great family. I had everything - education, love, support - everything and I still became a drug addict. If I could go back in time, I never would have touched the stuff. If I knew what I know now, I would have lived with the pain, rather than start taking those pills."

If you or someone you know is struggling with an addiction, contact the Addiction Services of Eastern Ontario at 613-936-9236, Withdrawal Management Services at 613-938-8506, the Mental Health Crisis line at 1 866 996-0991 or the Community Connections line (Addiction and Mental Health Services Information and Referral Line) at 1 866 632-8885 for Prescott-Russell or 1 888 933-4141 for Cornwall, Stormont, Dundas and Glengarry.