Who is talking inside your head?

lsproule@thereview.ca
Sometimes, I wish I could turn it off. That voice inside my head that doubts decisions . . . that voice inside my head that tells me that so-and-so really didn’t mean that mean thing that came out of their mouth when a part of me wonders why they said it at all. It’s the voice inside my head that says do more, talk less, work harder and get smarter.
My email inbox is loaded with new ideas that seem to be springing forth faster than I can read them. Some are welcome story suggestions, other emails are how come’s and why not’s . . . and I feel that I have to round them all up and deal with them somehow. Why? Because that’s my responsibility, or so I tell myself.
But when I read a note about a new book that advocates letting yourself off the hook more often, I thought to myself: maybe that is a voice I could listen to . . . just sometimes.
In Todd Patkin’s book called “Finding Happiness: One Man’s Quest to Beat Depression and Anxiety and - Finally - Let the Sunshine In, he focuses on prioritizing the things in your life that really matter and dropping dead weight that might be holding you back.
Sounds easy enough.
Best of all, the list of 12 things made me realize that we all live with words and notions inside of our heads that we might be better off without.
Here are a few of his suggestions: give up on relationships that aren’t working (he’s talking about the people in your life who drain your energy and make your attitude dip into dark spaces.) Stop being so darn nice . . . and start being authentic.
Stop working so hard and strive for balance, not for more work hours in your day.
Don’t focus on your spouse . . . forget what he or she is doing wrong and focus on what you can do to improve yourself instead of waiting for your partner to take the lead.
That’s just a taste of the top 12 things to quit, all contained in a press released entitled: 2012 -- The Year of the Quitter.
This was a nice follow-up to an item I received in late 2011. This one was called: 30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself -- and suggested that when you stop chasing the wrong things, you give the right things a chance to catch you.
A few of these 30 things appealed to me. Like: Stop holding grudges. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart.  You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate.
Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway.  Just do what you know in your heart is right.
Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break. – The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it.  If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.
Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things. The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.
Stop worrying so much. Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy. 
And finally: one more message -- to make 2012 the year of being wickedly successful. Here are a few inspirational quips from that email.
Stop being the Chief Everything Officer – don’t say “Yes” by default.
Do something big every day. You eat a whale the same way you eat an apple – one bite at a time.
Expand what you’re willing to believe about yourself.
Surround yourself with as many successful mentors as possible.
Regenerate your passion for work.
And finally: Take care of yourself first.
At the risk of sounding self-centred, I think that taking care of ourselves is the real message.
Each of us contributes to the world around us according to our omnipresent guide within. And it is never easier than when we block out the sometimes-unbidden voices of community, individuals and family (no matter how well-meaning these all can be) to find our own voice.
We feel good when we make our own choices. We can choose to wait for facts. We can choose to tell those who gossip to take it elsewhere. We can shut down the telling of racist jokes. We can give people the benefit of the doubt. We can pay it forward. We can do what feels right.
Even if I am looking for answers within, I take solace in the plethora of self-actualization advice that exists today which tells me I am not alone in my quest to be a bigger person, to make more things happen, to talk less and do more, I tell myself.
And I know I am right.
Because I say so.